Aku ada casing hand phone berbentuk Unicorn. Unicorn? Ala, kuda putih dengan tanduk berwarna-warna macam pelangi. And I'm loving it. Mula-mula rasa macam kids, jadi aku tak pakai langsung. Aku segan, malu dan seumpamanya. Obviously, aku risau kena ejek tak matang sebab pakai casing budak-budak.
Yep, budaya mengejek masih ada walaupun obviously masing-masing dah tua Bangka. Kadang-kadang aku tak rasa aku membesar pun. Rasa macam tukar sekolah je. Sekolah lelaki boleh smoking without being judge, women can be pregnant, the 'men' can keep their moustache and beard and so on. The uniforms are still there but tak ada la kena pakai hari-hari. The company (read: school) trips are still there. If you hate your class rep, believe me, you'll find more like them in the office.
The only good thing is, the SALARY. Masa sekolah kau mana dapat gaji. And nothing much change. You get money, you go shopping. TETAPI, good and bad always come in pair. Kau dapat gaji, kau juga akan dapat bills. Kadang-kadang aku tak pasti how these thing work, sebab most of the time, duit dalam bank boleh jadi negative. And I did question myself, seriouslah? Even the foods are becoming more expensive each day.
Okay, jauh sangat. Kita balik ke topic asal kita, Unicorn Case.
So, eventually aku cuba pakai casing Unicorn tu. I said,"Ala, sehari je. Kalau tak ngam, kita bagi orang." Ya Allah, serious aku excited and happy the whole day pakai casing tu. Tepat 5.30pm, before balik rumah, aku tukar casing. Back to my favorite normal lame casing. Tbh, aku tak nak kantoi shopping casing online dengan husband. Lol.
From that day on, aku decide akan pakai Unicorn case on my gloomy-depress-sad day. After that, I did wear it on my depress day, my gloomy day, sad day and so on. It did help me feel happy every time I look at it. But only certain days, and when I'm back to normal, I changed it back. Most of the time, I rarely use it more than a week. You know, women time of the month things.
But recently, aku perasan aku pakai almost for 2-3 months straight. I've tried to change it but I'm back to wear it again. I couldn't stop. Like I need it for my life.
Aku memang ada masalah dekat tempat kerja. I admit. But I've tried hard to fake it. You know, fake it till you believe it sort of thing.
Bila aku sedar aku dah pakai casing unicorn more than 2 months, serious aku mula rasa ada benda tak kena. And then aku cuba bincang dengan husband. Tapi masa tu dia busy. On Sunday night, aku nangis teruk. Aku nangis bila fikir esok Isnin dan aku kena pergi kerja. Ya Allah. Apa ni? Aku bukan jenis macam ni. Kila kot, semua orang tengah stress, aku boleh dendangkan lagu doraemon untuk hiburkan hati. Kila boleh bangun awal pukul 5 pagi semata nak pergi Puncak Alam hantar report kot. Apa ni?
Esok pagi before kerja, aku bergaduh dengan husband. Aku serious nekad nak berhenti kerja. Aku tekanan. Aku tak mampu nak explain apa yang aku rasa masa tu and husband blame aku yang bersalah, malas nak buat kerja. Its not about my work anymore. Its more towards my mental health.
Kalau kerja banyak, serious aku boleh buat. Bukan nak berlagak, aku memang sejenis kerja kuat. Aku ada sifat rajin yang pelik dan sejenis tak suka menyusahkan orang.
Aku cuba kaji and ask around. Semua kata, jangan berhenti, kau kerja kerajaan. Bukan senang nak dapat balik. Blablabla. So, bila aku minta tukar, semua senyap.
Last sekali, aku jumpa sorang bos ni. Aku cuba minta advice dia. And then, something she said buat aku 'click'. Something related about big boss suka downkan mental staffs.
Ye, aku down. Aku down teruk. Down sampai aku pernah berdoa supaya aku excident on the way nak pergi office, so I don't need to face them.
Dan aku perlukan bantuan untuk naikkan semangat aku balik.
Sebab tu wujudnya casing Unicorn.
Aku tak tau aku patut berhenti kerja atau pergi kaunseling. Mental aku down teruk. Till now.
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